Sunday, May 20, 2007
Tomorrow is the BIG day!

Well, it is officially less than 10 hours until mine and Steven's blessing from God makes her appearance in to this world. Everyone has been asking me if I am nervous, scared, frightened, excited? Well, of course I am excited. After 39 weeks of feeling this little jumping jelly bean inside of me, I am super excited to meet her and let her know that her mommy and daddy love her very much and want only the best for her. I am nervous, but not for the reasons that most people think. To be 100% honest, I am more nervous about the epidural/spinal block than anything. I don't care about the pain of having a c-section or the recovery period. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and will endure anything to be able to go and see Macy Jane. For some reason, I just get nervous when I think about that needle going in my spine. I know, I know once they do it it isn't that bad, but I've just always assisted with the procedure, and it's a little weird to be on the receiving end this time. I know I will be fine, Steve is going to be right by my side and with him and a little prayer, I can get through anything.

I have been reflecting on the past 39 weeks for the past couple of days and I have SO many things to be thankful to God for. Steve and I were not planning on having children this early in our marriage, so the pregnancy started out with us being in shock and kind of thinking......okay what do we do now? However, God knew what he was doing when He formed this beautiful little girl inside of me. We don't always understand the reason something doesn't go as we planned, but I have learned that it is just better to sit back and relax and realize that pretty much what is meant to be is going to be. I am thankful that I can even have children and do not have problems with infertility etc. I have a good friend that I work with that has tried everything to get pregnant, all without success. Why did God choose to let me get pregnant when we weren't even trying and other people try for years. I do not have an answer for that, but I thank God that He is blessing us with Macy Jane.

Throughout this pregnancy, Steve and I have learned so much more about each other and grown together as husband and wife. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He has honestly been my rock through everything. Whether it be holding me when I was upset about being pregnant, fetching me washcloths when I was puking, eating Mexican at least once a week, comforting me when the entire month of February was bad news, listening to me plan and replan her nursery a million times, giving me little cards and presents sporadically just to show he was thinking about me......he has been wonderful. Macy Jane is blessed with a daddy that not only loves her and is already looking out for her best interest, but with a daddy that loves her mommy as well.

Speaking of the month of February. Honestly, every single doctor's visit that month carried bad news with it. I would get sick to my stomach knowing that we were having to go, but every time God gave me such a peace that He was and is taking care of Macy Jane. No one ever expects to hear that their baby has "defects", but I do not look at her as having defects. God has created her exactly like He intended and God does not make mistakes. She is already perfect in His eyes and she is perfect in our eyes. If she is born with problems as expected, we will tackle each and every single one of them head on and have faith that God will see all of us through it and give us strength. I know it is going to be hard physically and emotionally on all of us, but I have always been taught that that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and that God will not put anything on us that we cannot handle. I am not trying to sound all religious here, but after going through all of the bumpy parts, it has definitely brought me and Steven closer to God. I firmly believe that without Him I would not be the person that I am today, facing what we are facing.

This pregnancy has also brought me and my family closer together. We are a pretty close family to begin with, but it is different now. I see family completely different than I did before. Macy Jane is the first grandchild and first niece on our side of the family. She is definitely spoiled already, but that is ok. There is nothing wrong with her having lots of things, as long as we teach her to appreciate the things that she is given. Anyway, my parents have opened up their home to me every other week to allow me to stay with them while Steven is at work on his 6 day work stretch. My poor mom and dad ate mexican with me at least twice a week for the past couple of months and never once complained about it. They have always been there for me and I am thankful that they continue to be even if I am an old married woman now. I'm also thankful that they really do love Steve and they all get along really well. That definitely makes life easy.

I know that I will not sleep a wink tonight. As each minute passes I get more excited and kind of sad. I will miss being pregnant. I was one of those that loved every minute of being pregnant and was fascinated by each thump, nudge, kick, and flip. I didn't mind gaining the 25 pounds that I gained because I knew it was making room for MJ and only temporary. Reality is starting to settle in more and more as that final moment comes closer that I am going to be a mom! Someone else is going to be depending on me for love, care, and support.....forever! This morning we were all sitting around talking and someone mentioned that I could feed the baby and Steve could burp and I said to myself, oh yeah you do have to burp babies after they eat. I thought to myself.....ok do I really know what I am doing? No. No I do not, but I have a wonderful mother that I can call 24/7 and plenty of aunts and friends that have been through it many times.

Today, Steven and I woke up and went to church together. We grilled steaks with my family and then everyone came to our house.....and they are all still here playing games, but I decided to sneak away to just have a few minutes to myself. My sister, brother, and sister-in-law came in to town and my Aunt Carolyn is on her way. Steve's mom and husband are driving in from Atlanta in the wee hours of the morning, and my other aunt and grandfather are coming in the morning to meet the rest of the family at the hospital. I appreciate all of them being there for me and Steven and most importantly Macy Jane. Having family around has made the time go by so quickly. Whoever said that pregnancy, especially at the end, just seems to drag by? This pregnancy has gone by so fast, especially the last few weeks. I made the comment to Steve today about that and he said that mine probably went fast because there was only a few days where I did absoultely nothing. Usually I was either working or going shopping and staying active. In a nut shell, I didn't sit on my butt and watch the clock tick.

Well, I need to get back to the family and finish up my laundry. Yes. It is the night before the birth and I am doing laundry. It's helping to pass the time. I have to get up at 0330 so that I can "prep" for the birth. No I do not mean give myself enema's etc. HAHA I mean I want to take a bath and shave my legs one last time and relax a little bit before we head in.

Thanks again to everyone for their love, support, prayers, and gifts throughout this entire pregnancy. I would not have made it through the rough parts if people all over the country had not been praying for us. Please don't stop. Tomorrow is just the beginning and only God knows what the plan is for Macy Jane's little life. I would love to be able to have my friend post on here tomorrow night that Macy Jane was 100% okay, but obviously I just don't know. What I do know is that God is awesome and He is blessing us with our beautiful baby girl and no matter what we will praise Him for allowing us the gift of being parents. I know that His angels will be all around her and He will wrap His loving arms around her, even when me and Steven cannot.

Thanks again to everyone and please remember us in your prayers. My friend is going to login to my myspace tomorrow night and post a bulletin for me updating on how everything is going. Steve has my brother-in-laws laptop so we will be putting pictures of her on there sometime in the next few days, probably NOT tomorrow though. Okay, that 's it. I hope everyone is doing well, and if you think you are feeling crappy.........just think that "hey! Bethany is having her stomach sliced open today......." and that should make your aches and pains go away. HAHA Goodnight!