Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Wednesday Current mood: cranky
The past two days have been very hard on me. Last evening, a little baby that was in a bed close to Macy Jane's passed away. This child had been on ecmo and looked sick....so sick they operated on him several times at the bedside in the unit. It broke my heart to see his parents and his family upset, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was going to be me and Steve at some point. I could not wait to get back to MJ and just kiss her and thank God that we have had another day with her in our lives. I know I shouldn't think like that, but seeing someone hurt like that after losing their baby freaked me out. It happened again today when one of the babies in the front of the ICU that was on ecmo passed away as well. The mom looked REALLY young and again I just cried for her and her family. At the same time I was begging God to please spare my Macy Jane. Not that we are any more special than anyone else, but it is all I can do. I had to leave the hospital tonight because my nerves are shot and I just need a break.
MJ is doing okay. Still on the ventilator. They weaned her today and were going to extubate her, but her co2 was up on her blood gas. MJ lives with a CO2 in the 50s and it was in the 50s on the gas, but the fellow on for the night did not feel comfortable extubating her. I got mad about it but after I bit my tongue from saying anything, I realized that this is still in God's plans and in His time, she will be breathing on her own. I walked in this morning and she had HER clothes on and was laying on one of HER blankets. That means so much to me when people take the time to dress her and put her little animals and blankets around her. It makes her look more "normal" in the midst of all of this.
My friends from work came to see us on Monday. We made the posters to put up at work and they all looked WONDERFUL (yes Jeri....even yours did hahaha ) I can't thank them enough for helping me and Steve and MJ out during this time.
Well, I need to get going and mail my sister the addresses that I have received so far. If I do not do this, you will see an obituary with my name on it by the weekend.
Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming! And, as always......anyone is more than welcome to come and visit. You would be amazed at what even 10 minutes of a visitor can do for your mood and spirits. Everyone is busy with their lives and kids and I understand that but if you are bored and want to risk getting murdered in the ghetto.....come on down!!