Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday Current mood: annoyed
All I ask is that people keep praying. Each day we are here things seems to be getting a little bit worse. Today is a whole new day with new issues.
She is continuing to throw up more frequently. Thank the Lord it isn't every feeding, but still......it's too often for comfort. Last night she threw up 40cc of nothing but straight milk. It looked like I had poured the milk from a jug when it came out. Thankfully she didn't throw up the full 80cc. I am starting to put a cup beside me at all times so that I can catch what she throws up so I can count how much it is. Sounds crazy I know, but when you have 5 different residents and 2 doctors asking you "how much" all of the time and you say Oh i don't know....probably 15cc or 20cc, it gets old. Now, I will give them exact answers.
The other issue is that MJ is now on oxygen. This morning since about 6am she has been extremely fussy, clammy, sweaty, coughing and her oxygen sats have been dipping down in to the 50-60s. I finally had my feel and called the nurse and asked her to please get in touch with someone (eventhough she had already called them and gotten the runaround) and that I wanted to see a doctor. They did blood cultures, lab work, a chest x-ray, & urine culture to see if maybe she is getting an infection somewhere or in congestive heart failure. So far, everything is negative--but we still have a baby that isn't resting good and she just isn't herself. SOMETHING is wrong. Maybe this is maternal instincts kicking in, but she does not look right to me. She is doing better on the oxygen and we are going to try to feed her in a little bit. I am a little worried that it is related to her heart defect and those tiny arteries and that they would want to do a heart cath. We'll see.
I have come so close to going off on a certain doctor that is just an absolute idiot. I know it isn't nice to talk about people, but he is a complete waste of time and should be working with rats and mice, not humans. Keep in mind that this is the doctor that is on call for our cardiologist and the one that wanted to send us home last admission with her losing weight and throwing up EVERYTHING. Well, yesterday he came in and said everything looks good and that he thought she could go home and asked me how I felt about that. Sorry he asked because I told him exactly how I felt about that. Needless to say, we are still at LeBoneheur and not home. Anyways, he started asking me questions like what the plan is for Macy and what has Dr. Joshi been telling us etc. Well, I mentioned that we are trying to get her to gain weight for her heart surgery and we need her collateral arteries to grow. He proceded to tell me that WE ( Steve and I) DID NOT WANT TO PROCEED WITH SURGERY and that was what the people in his group thought because they have a meeting once a week to discuss each patient. I was speechless. From February 3rd, 2007 to now we have always said do whatever you can do regardless of money or long distance travel. We trust Dr. Joshi and what he thinks. If we didn't want surgery why would they be sending her info to Dr. Hanley---the SURGEON---TOMORROW?????? Then he proceeded to tell me about how that her surgery might not benefit her and that she could go for years and years without having the surgery. Basically, he made me and my mom feel like the doctors had not been up front with us and that we were being led on and that there was nothing we could do. He continued to insult my thinking by saying that us sending her to California isn't necessarily going to fix her and that it isn't just a one time surgery and she's perfect. DUH. Don't you think I know that? I know that she is facing multiple open heart surgeries and heart caths all of her life. He also brought up her having DiGeorge Syndrome and all of the life-long complications from that. It was almost like he was saying inadvertently (I am sure I spelled that wrong) your baby is going to be sick her whole life, why are you even proceeding. Both me and my mom got that impression so it isn't just me misinterpreting things. One thing he doesn't know or may not understand is that I serve a powerful God that knows exactly what He is doing and He can perform miracles. God gave me and my family Macy Jane for a reason. I do not know how long she will be on this earth, but each day is a gift from God and I have faith that His will is going to be done. I am not a stupid and naive person. I know that the outlook for MJ is a slippery slope and it is a very real possibility that she will not make it through all of this. Am I heartbroken, yes. Is it easy to sit here and say this stuff no. I am a mom with a heart and emotions but I am a reality person and I have to face the facts.
I don't know how many days MJ has on this earth, but the Lord does. He will get me and my family through each day that passes, even when I think that the light at the end of the tunnel must be broken and I cannot take anymore. I have to keep believing that there is a greater purpose in all of this.
On another note....as to my last blog. I have recieved many messages and have read the comments about it. Like I said it is my opinion and if peoples feathers got ruffled over it (which apparently they did based off of the messages and comments that I have received), it is nothing personal--I wasn't attacking any one person. I know that insurance is expensive and hard to get a good insurance and all of the difficulties. TRUST ME. I know about insurance, way more than I want. Anyways, that is all I am commenting about that.
Well, that is all for now. Maybe one of these days I will be able to post a happier more upbeat post, but today just isn't that day. If anyone would like to come and visit us while we are here you are more than welcome to. It gets old sitting up here day after day after day and a lot of people that I have talked to have said that they were afraid that she couldn't have visitors. As long as you are or have not been sick recently and you don't have children that are or have been sick recently, it is perfectly ok.
Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for the prayers!!! Oh yeah! I almost forgot.....the Lord did give us a blessing today. Out of the FIVE residents that came in the room during the whole fiasco earlier, one particular one named Dr. Blake stuck out to my and mom. He was very upfront with us and took the time to make sure I was okay and MJ was ok. To the point that he almost hugged me, but instead just touched my shoulder. I guess I had tears in my eyes because I couldn't get MJ to calm down etc etc. When he left the room my mom said I really like him, there is something different about him, he is going to be a great doctor. Well, a little while later he came in to tell us that so far all of the tests looked normal and he starting chatting with me and mom. Mom made the comment that God is in control and Dr. Blake picked up on it and told us that he firmly believes that God called him in to medicine and that he prays for each of his patients and he believes in miracles. What a blessing! That is the first time that a doctor (besides Dr. Schneider--the guy who saw us when pregnant) has mentioned God, miracles, etc. We really needed that. Anyways, just thought that I would share that little ray of sunshine!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Insurance Current mood: aggravated
Just killing time while we are here. MJ's test was cancelled this morning because they saw why she was throwing up on the swallow test.....reflux. She did great all night eating and keeping it down, but she threw up at 6 and 9 this am, during her feeding--which is a new thing but still related to the reflux. I fed her at 12 and 3 and she did great and my mom is upstairs feeding her now. I had to get out of the room for a bit. Steve went home this afternoon as he has to work saturday and sunday and I just needed a small break.
I have something that I am going to vent about that is strictly my personal opinion. I know that some people will see differently than I do and this may even offend people, but that is why we live in America and have the freedom to say what we want.
The issue is people that have the ability to work and choose not to and instead of getting a job with insurance they rely on the good ole government to take care of themselves & their kids. This ticks me off royally these days. I have had family and friends that do/did this. People say that they can have a house full of kids not work and not have any insurance because "God will provide our needs" and they know they can get medicaid/medicare/tenncare. I agree that God can meet needs, but part of that is you getting a job and supporting your family so that you don't have to rely on handouts from people all of the time. God wants us to have children etc, but I firmly believe that he expects you to be able to support them. If you want to be a stay at home mom or dad that is fine--but you need to be able to afford it. Perfectly healthy people are sitting at home and relying way too much on the government for help. I am sick and tired of money from my paycheck going to support some person that has the ability to work and support a family but does not.
All of this is bugging me more and more because of Macy Jane. Right now she is covered under private insurance through our jobs at Baptist, but when that insurance policy reaches its maximum lifetime amount, what are we going to do? We have people checking in to things and advising us on the steps to take, but one of the options is Tenncare. However, it will probably not be an easy thing to get her on it because Steve and I have good paying jobs and there are too many free loaders out there taking up the benefits. Honestly, we are considering one of us working for Methodist so that we can get insurance through them once the Baptist policy runs out. I do not want to rely on the government, but sometimes there are no other options when you have a sick child. To me government programs should be for children that are sick that do not qualify for private insurance and for people that are trully disabled and cannot work, and also children born to parents that have the mentality that they don't have to work because it is God's will that they stay at home. Once they are able to get a job with insurance then they need to be released from government aid.
I just do not get where people think that it is okay to not work but yet they cannot pay their bills on time or at all and end up filing bankruptcy and living off of Uncle Sam. Yet, it is God's will for them and God will provide. I am sorry but as Christians we are supposed to be good stewards of our money, according to the Bible. You tell me how you sitting on your butt at home with a mountain of debt accumulating, filing for bankruptcy, and relying on the goverment is God's will and being good stewards of your money??? It isn't. Get a freaking job and take care of your needs without relying on every person to help you, like we owe it to you.
Sorry, that has just been eating away at me for some time and driving me nuts how people justify things. Don't get me wrong, I would love to stay at home with Macy Jane every day and work maybe one day a week, but that simply isn't possible. If my husband were rich and could support us that would be great, but that isn't the case.
Well, that's enough. Please pray that we will make the right decisions concerning MJ and her insurance. You may be thinking that it is too early to worry about that, but it isn't. Insurance money runs out quickly when you have a sick little one. It would be nice to be able to go and get her on Tenncare by walking in to an office and proving why she needs it, but that isn't how it works thanks to freeloaders. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Insurance Current mood: aggravated
Just killing time while we are here. MJ's test was cancelled this morning because they saw why she was throwing up on the swallow test.....reflux. She did great all night eating and keeping it down, but she threw up at 6 and 9 this am, during her feeding--which is a new thing but still related to the reflux. I fed her at 12 and 3 and she did great and my mom is upstairs feeding her now. I had to get out of the room for a bit. Steve went home this afternoon as he has to work saturday and sunday and I just needed a small break.
I have something that I am going to vent about that is strictly my personal opinion. I know that some people will see differently than I do and this may even offend people, but that is why we live in America and have the freedom to say what we want.
The issue is people that have the ability to work and choose not to and instead of getting a job with insurance they rely on the good ole government to take care of themselves & their kids. This ticks me off royally these days. I have had family and friends that do/did this. People say that they can have a house full of kids not work and not have any insurance because "God will provide our needs" and they know they can get medicaid/medicare/tenncare. I agree that God can meet needs, but part of that is you getting a job and supporting your family so that you don't have to rely on handouts from people all of the time. God wants us to have children etc, but I firmly believe that he expects you to be able to support them. If you want to be a stay at home mom or dad that is fine--but you need to be able to afford it. Perfectly healthy people are sitting at home and relying way too much on the government for help. I am sick and tired of money from my paycheck going to support some person that has the ability to work and support a family but does not.
All of this is bugging me more and more because of Macy Jane. Right now she is covered under private insurance through our jobs at Baptist, but when that insurance policy reaches its maximum lifetime amount, what are we going to do? We have people checking in to things and advising us on the steps to take, but one of the options is Tenncare. However, it will probably not be an easy thing to get her on it because Steve and I have good paying jobs and there are too many free loaders out there taking up the benefits. Honestly, we are considering one of us working for Methodist so that we can get insurance through them once the Baptist policy runs out. I do not want to rely on the government, but sometimes there are no other options when you have a sick child. To me government programs should be for children that are sick that do not qualify for private insurance and for people that are trully disabled and cannot work, and also children born to parents that have the mentality that they don't have to work because it is God's will that they stay at home. Once they are able to get a job with insurance then they need to be released from government aid.
I just do not get where people think that it is okay to not work but yet they cannot pay their bills on time or at all and end up filing bankruptcy and living off of Uncle Sam. Yet, it is God's will for them and God will provide. I am sorry but as Christians we are supposed to be good stewards of our money, according to the Bible. You tell me how you sitting on your butt at home with a mountain of debt accumulating, filing for bankruptcy, and relying on the goverment is God's will and being good stewards of your money??? It isn't. Get a freaking job and take care of your needs without relying on every person to help you, like we owe it to you.
Sorry, that has just been eating away at me for some time and driving me nuts how people justify things. Don't get me wrong, I would love to stay at home with Macy Jane every day and work maybe one day a week, but that simply isn't possible. If my husband were rich and could support us that would be great, but that isn't the case.
Well, that's enough. Please pray that we will make the right decisions concerning MJ and her insurance. You may be thinking that it is too early to worry about that, but it isn't. Insurance money runs out quickly when you have a sick little one. It would be nice to be able to go and get her on Tenncare by walking in to an office and proving why she needs it, but that isn't how it works thanks to freeloaders. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Tired Current mood: exhausted
This morning has been rough! I was up with Macy Jane feeding her and "watching" her until 4:30 this morning and then Steve was going to feed her at 6am for me so I could get 3 hours of solid sleep (trust me.....that is like sleeping all night!).....well at 5 something I hear Steve getting her bottle ready and MJ crying. She somehome pulled out or coughed up her feeding tube in her sleep. All I know is that it was in there at 4:30 when I layed her in the bed.
Steve tried to put the tube back in but she was screaming so much it was difficult for him--plus we had Nancy Nurse in the room (she is the nurse that Steve politely got "fired" from taking care of MJ one shift last admission) and I think she was making him a bit frazzled. I couldn't take listening to her scream anymore so I put the tube back in. I feel so sorry for her and I hate having to put her through all of this.
I am not in a good mood today. It could just be a lack of sleep but things are getting to me. Her right eye is matted shut with yellow drainage and I have been trying since we got in here to get SOMEONE to reorder her eye ointment that she was on at home and we have yet to get it. Thankfully my mom is at my house right now getting our own supply. I will be damned if I am going to sit here and just let things go by this time without demanding some action to be taken. It is starting to piss me off royally that everything is such a hassle. I am not being the mom that is a nurse that thinks she knows everything either. I will be the first to admit that i know very little about babies and children, but I have God given common sense and her eye being matted shut IS NOT NORMAL. Everyone keeps telling me that we need to worry about her nutrition first and then the other stuff can be dealt with later. Um.......no. I am very concerned about her nutrition BUT infection hinders that as well and something needs to be done.
Having to go through all of this sort of changes the way that I view my patient's and their family members. It is hard being in the hospital day after day and not getting any answers and having nurses not answer questions and make empty promises or tell you something to just get you to shut up. You do start to feel like just another room number.
One other thing that I need ya'll to specifically pray for (besides her to start gaining more weight) is related to her heart/lungs. Yesterday I talked with MJ's cardiologist about her surgery and our options etc. We discussed the possibility of her needing a lung transplant if they were unable to use her collateral arteries since they were so small. He gave some not so promising statistics about the success/survival rate in children who have lung transplants and does NOT recommend that we go that route (although he said if he ended up doing that he would still support our decision). So. We are earnestly praying that her arteries grow much much bigger. They are at least half the size that they should be even now. If she isn't gaining weight and getting bigger, odds are they aren't either. Also, even if she does gain weight, there is no guarantee that the arteries will grow.
If they do not grow, it does not sound like there are any options other than the lung transplant. Now, this is coming from a doctor that isn't a cardiac surgeon. Dr. Hanley (surgeon in cali) may be able to do things that Dr. Joshi isn't aware of etc. etc. So please please please pray that her arteries grow. We won't know if they have until closer to when they want to do the surgery---if they CAN do it.
I know that God still answers prayers and He is with us through this all and has a plan, but it is so hard. I just want some good news for a change. I know that I have to suck it up and keep going because MJ needs a strong mommy to help her but sometimes it just gets the better of me. I feel like a two year old because there are times that I just want to sit on the floor and beat the heck out of a wall with my head, fist, feet....whatever I can. I try not to question "why us Lord" but that too is hard. I am trying to see the purpose in all of this but so far I am not having any success.
Well, I have vented enough. Don't worry, I am not depressed. I am just a tired, stressed, hungry, pissed off mom We are going with MJ at 10am for her swallow test so I need to run back to the room so Steve can take a shower. Thankfully this test shouldn't hurt at all.......she just needs to take some of her bottle.
Thanks in advance for the comments and prayers from everyone. I do not have time at the hospital to sit down and write everyone individually, but everything is appreciated.
Tired Current mood: exhausted
This morning has been rough! I was up with Macy Jane feeding her and "watching" her until 4:30 this morning and then Steve was going to feed her at 6am for me so I could get 3 hours of solid sleep (trust me.....that is like sleeping all night!).....well at 5 something I hear Steve getting her bottle ready and MJ crying. She somehome pulled out or coughed up her feeding tube in her sleep. All I know is that it was in there at 4:30 when I layed her in the bed.
Steve tried to put the tube back in but she was screaming so much it was difficult for him--plus we had Nancy Nurse in the room (she is the nurse that Steve politely got "fired" from taking care of MJ one shift last admission) and I think she was making him a bit frazzled. I couldn't take listening to her scream anymore so I put the tube back in. I feel so sorry for her and I hate having to put her through all of this.
I am not in a good mood today. It could just be a lack of sleep but things are getting to me. Her right eye is matted shut with yellow drainage and I have been trying since we got in here to get SOMEONE to reorder her eye ointment that she was on at home and we have yet to get it. Thankfully my mom is at my house right now getting our own supply. I will be damned if I am going to sit here and just let things go by this time without demanding some action to be taken. It is starting to piss me off royally that everything is such a hassle. I am not being the mom that is a nurse that thinks she knows everything either. I will be the first to admit that i know very little about babies and children, but I have God given common sense and her eye being matted shut IS NOT NORMAL. Everyone keeps telling me that we need to worry about her nutrition first and then the other stuff can be dealt with later. Um.......no. I am very concerned about her nutrition BUT infection hinders that as well and something needs to be done.
Having to go through all of this sort of changes the way that I view my patient's and their family members. It is hard being in the hospital day after day and not getting any answers and having nurses not answer questions and make empty promises or tell you something to just get you to shut up. You do start to feel like just another room number.
One other thing that I need ya'll to specifically pray for (besides her to start gaining more weight) is related to her heart/lungs. Yesterday I talked with MJ's cardiologist about her surgery and our options etc. We discussed the possibility of her needing a lung transplant if they were unable to use her collateral arteries since they were so small. He gave some not so promising statistics about the success/survival rate in children who have lung transplants and does NOT recommend that we go that route (although he said if he ended up doing that he would still support our decision). So. We are earnestly praying that her arteries grow much much bigger. They are at least half the size that they should be even now. If she isn't gaining weight and getting bigger, odds are they aren't either. Also, even if she does gain weight, there is no guarantee that the arteries will grow.
If they do not grow, it does not sound like there are any options other than the lung transplant. Now, this is coming from a doctor that isn't a cardiac surgeon. Dr. Hanley (surgeon in cali) may be able to do things that Dr. Joshi isn't aware of etc. etc. So please please please pray that her arteries grow. We won't know if they have until closer to when they want to do the surgery---if they CAN do it.
I know that God still answers prayers and He is with us through this all and has a plan, but it is so hard. I just want some good news for a change. I know that I have to suck it up and keep going because MJ needs a strong mommy to help her but sometimes it just gets the better of me. I feel like a two year old because there are times that I just want to sit on the floor and beat the heck out of a wall with my head, fist, feet....whatever I can. I try not to question "why us Lord" but that too is hard. I am trying to see the purpose in all of this but so far I am not having any success.
Well, I have vented enough. Don't worry, I am not depressed. I am just a tired, stressed, hungry, pissed off mom We are going with MJ at 10am for her swallow test so I need to run back to the room so Steve can take a shower. Thankfully this test shouldn't hurt at all.......she just needs to take some of her bottle.
Thanks in advance for the comments and prayers from everyone. I do not have time at the hospital to sit down and write everyone individually, but everything is appreciated.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Curious Current mood: ecstatic
Last night at 2am I decided I would step on the awful scales and see what I had lost since the baby was born. According to the scales, I have lost 30 pounds since she was born!!!!!!! I only gained 25 with her :) Now, the true test will be when I go to the doctor because I don't know how off my scales are compared to theirs, but I was pretty excited.
I have been wearing pajama like clothes since she was born and can't wait to see if I can wear my pre-preggo jeans again. Today I am going to the grocery so we'll see what fits. Ahh.....normal clothes again I am so excited. Of course, my body looks different since it was extremely stretched out, but with some hard work and determination, I'll become "normal" hopefully......if not, there is always plastic surgery after baby #2 gets here (in a few years, I pray-haha).
Well, that's it for now. Just thought I would share that info since it made me happy. I've had about 2 hours sleep in the past 24 so I am about to turn things over to my mom and sister and crawl in the bed with Steve for a couple of hours in MY OWN BED! Yipee.
By the way, MJ has only spit-up once overnight, no throwing up though--thank God! She still doesn't take a whole lot by mouth, but we give it to her in her tube so she is getting the nutrition she needs.
Curious Current mood: ecstatic
Last night at 2am I decided I would step on the awful scales and see what I had lost since the baby was born. According to the scales, I have lost 30 pounds since she was born!!!!!!! I only gained 25 with her :) Now, the true test will be when I go to the doctor because I don't know how off my scales are compared to theirs, but I was pretty excited.
I have been wearing pajama like clothes since she was born and can't wait to see if I can wear my pre-preggo jeans again. Today I am going to the grocery so we'll see what fits. Ahh.....normal clothes again I am so excited. Of course, my body looks different since it was extremely stretched out, but with some hard work and determination, I'll become "normal" hopefully......if not, there is always plastic surgery after baby #2 gets here (in a few years, I pray-haha).
Well, that's it for now. Just thought I would share that info since it made me happy. I've had about 2 hours sleep in the past 24 so I am about to turn things over to my mom and sister and crawl in the bed with Steve for a couple of hours in MY OWN BED! Yipee.
By the way, MJ has only spit-up once overnight, no throwing up though--thank God! She still doesn't take a whole lot by mouth, but we give it to her in her tube so she is getting the nutrition she needs.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Tomorrow is the BIG day!
Well, it is officially less than 10 hours until mine and Steven's blessing from God makes her appearance in to this world. Everyone has been asking me if I am nervous, scared, frightened, excited? Well, of course I am excited. After 39 weeks of feeling this little jumping jelly bean inside of me, I am super excited to meet her and let her know that her mommy and daddy love her very much and want only the best for her. I am nervous, but not for the reasons that most people think. To be 100% honest, I am more nervous about the epidural/spinal block than anything. I don't care about the pain of having a c-section or the recovery period. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and will endure anything to be able to go and see Macy Jane. For some reason, I just get nervous when I think about that needle going in my spine. I know, I know once they do it it isn't that bad, but I've just always assisted with the procedure, and it's a little weird to be on the receiving end this time. I know I will be fine, Steve is going to be right by my side and with him and a little prayer, I can get through anything.
I have been reflecting on the past 39 weeks for the past couple of days and I have SO many things to be thankful to God for. Steve and I were not planning on having children this early in our marriage, so the pregnancy started out with us being in shock and kind of thinking......okay what do we do now? However, God knew what he was doing when He formed this beautiful little girl inside of me. We don't always understand the reason something doesn't go as we planned, but I have learned that it is just better to sit back and relax and realize that pretty much what is meant to be is going to be. I am thankful that I can even have children and do not have problems with infertility etc. I have a good friend that I work with that has tried everything to get pregnant, all without success. Why did God choose to let me get pregnant when we weren't even trying and other people try for years. I do not have an answer for that, but I thank God that He is blessing us with Macy Jane.
Throughout this pregnancy, Steve and I have learned so much more about each other and grown together as husband and wife. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He has honestly been my rock through everything. Whether it be holding me when I was upset about being pregnant, fetching me washcloths when I was puking, eating Mexican at least once a week, comforting me when the entire month of February was bad news, listening to me plan and replan her nursery a million times, giving me little cards and presents sporadically just to show he was thinking about me......he has been wonderful. Macy Jane is blessed with a daddy that not only loves her and is already looking out for her best interest, but with a daddy that loves her mommy as well.
Speaking of the month of February. Honestly, every single doctor's visit that month carried bad news with it. I would get sick to my stomach knowing that we were having to go, but every time God gave me such a peace that He was and is taking care of Macy Jane. No one ever expects to hear that their baby has "defects", but I do not look at her as having defects. God has created her exactly like He intended and God does not make mistakes. She is already perfect in His eyes and she is perfect in our eyes. If she is born with problems as expected, we will tackle each and every single one of them head on and have faith that God will see all of us through it and give us strength. I know it is going to be hard physically and emotionally on all of us, but I have always been taught that that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and that God will not put anything on us that we cannot handle. I am not trying to sound all religious here, but after going through all of the bumpy parts, it has definitely brought me and Steven closer to God. I firmly believe that without Him I would not be the person that I am today, facing what we are facing.
This pregnancy has also brought me and my family closer together. We are a pretty close family to begin with, but it is different now. I see family completely different than I did before. Macy Jane is the first grandchild and first niece on our side of the family. She is definitely spoiled already, but that is ok. There is nothing wrong with her having lots of things, as long as we teach her to appreciate the things that she is given. Anyway, my parents have opened up their home to me every other week to allow me to stay with them while Steven is at work on his 6 day work stretch. My poor mom and dad ate mexican with me at least twice a week for the past couple of months and never once complained about it. They have always been there for me and I am thankful that they continue to be even if I am an old married woman now. I'm also thankful that they really do love Steve and they all get along really well. That definitely makes life easy.
I know that I will not sleep a wink tonight. As each minute passes I get more excited and kind of sad. I will miss being pregnant. I was one of those that loved every minute of being pregnant and was fascinated by each thump, nudge, kick, and flip. I didn't mind gaining the 25 pounds that I gained because I knew it was making room for MJ and only temporary. Reality is starting to settle in more and more as that final moment comes closer that I am going to be a mom! Someone else is going to be depending on me for love, care, and support.....forever! This morning we were all sitting around talking and someone mentioned that I could feed the baby and Steve could burp and I said to myself, oh yeah you do have to burp babies after they eat. I thought to myself.....ok do I really know what I am doing? No. No I do not, but I have a wonderful mother that I can call 24/7 and plenty of aunts and friends that have been through it many times.
Today, Steven and I woke up and went to church together. We grilled steaks with my family and then everyone came to our house.....and they are all still here playing games, but I decided to sneak away to just have a few minutes to myself. My sister, brother, and sister-in-law came in to town and my Aunt Carolyn is on her way. Steve's mom and husband are driving in from Atlanta in the wee hours of the morning, and my other aunt and grandfather are coming in the morning to meet the rest of the family at the hospital. I appreciate all of them being there for me and Steven and most importantly Macy Jane. Having family around has made the time go by so quickly. Whoever said that pregnancy, especially at the end, just seems to drag by? This pregnancy has gone by so fast, especially the last few weeks. I made the comment to Steve today about that and he said that mine probably went fast because there was only a few days where I did absoultely nothing. Usually I was either working or going shopping and staying active. In a nut shell, I didn't sit on my butt and watch the clock tick.
Well, I need to get back to the family and finish up my laundry. Yes. It is the night before the birth and I am doing laundry. It's helping to pass the time. I have to get up at 0330 so that I can "prep" for the birth. No I do not mean give myself enema's etc. HAHA I mean I want to take a bath and shave my legs one last time and relax a little bit before we head in.
Thanks again to everyone for their love, support, prayers, and gifts throughout this entire pregnancy. I would not have made it through the rough parts if people all over the country had not been praying for us. Please don't stop. Tomorrow is just the beginning and only God knows what the plan is for Macy Jane's little life. I would love to be able to have my friend post on here tomorrow night that Macy Jane was 100% okay, but obviously I just don't know. What I do know is that God is awesome and He is blessing us with our beautiful baby girl and no matter what we will praise Him for allowing us the gift of being parents. I know that His angels will be all around her and He will wrap His loving arms around her, even when me and Steven cannot.
Thanks again to everyone and please remember us in your prayers. My friend is going to login to my myspace tomorrow night and post a bulletin for me updating on how everything is going. Steve has my brother-in-laws laptop so we will be putting pictures of her on there sometime in the next few days, probably NOT tomorrow though. Okay, that 's it. I hope everyone is doing well, and if you think you are feeling crappy.........just think that "hey! Bethany is having her stomach sliced open today......." and that should make your aches and pains go away. HAHA Goodnight!
Tomorrow is the BIG day!
Well, it is officially less than 10 hours until mine and Steven's blessing from God makes her appearance in to this world. Everyone has been asking me if I am nervous, scared, frightened, excited? Well, of course I am excited. After 39 weeks of feeling this little jumping jelly bean inside of me, I am super excited to meet her and let her know that her mommy and daddy love her very much and want only the best for her. I am nervous, but not for the reasons that most people think. To be 100% honest, I am more nervous about the epidural/spinal block than anything. I don't care about the pain of having a c-section or the recovery period. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and will endure anything to be able to go and see Macy Jane. For some reason, I just get nervous when I think about that needle going in my spine. I know, I know once they do it it isn't that bad, but I've just always assisted with the procedure, and it's a little weird to be on the receiving end this time. I know I will be fine, Steve is going to be right by my side and with him and a little prayer, I can get through anything.
I have been reflecting on the past 39 weeks for the past couple of days and I have SO many things to be thankful to God for. Steve and I were not planning on having children this early in our marriage, so the pregnancy started out with us being in shock and kind of thinking......okay what do we do now? However, God knew what he was doing when He formed this beautiful little girl inside of me. We don't always understand the reason something doesn't go as we planned, but I have learned that it is just better to sit back and relax and realize that pretty much what is meant to be is going to be. I am thankful that I can even have children and do not have problems with infertility etc. I have a good friend that I work with that has tried everything to get pregnant, all without success. Why did God choose to let me get pregnant when we weren't even trying and other people try for years. I do not have an answer for that, but I thank God that He is blessing us with Macy Jane.
Throughout this pregnancy, Steve and I have learned so much more about each other and grown together as husband and wife. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He has honestly been my rock through everything. Whether it be holding me when I was upset about being pregnant, fetching me washcloths when I was puking, eating Mexican at least once a week, comforting me when the entire month of February was bad news, listening to me plan and replan her nursery a million times, giving me little cards and presents sporadically just to show he was thinking about me......he has been wonderful. Macy Jane is blessed with a daddy that not only loves her and is already looking out for her best interest, but with a daddy that loves her mommy as well.
Speaking of the month of February. Honestly, every single doctor's visit that month carried bad news with it. I would get sick to my stomach knowing that we were having to go, but every time God gave me such a peace that He was and is taking care of Macy Jane. No one ever expects to hear that their baby has "defects", but I do not look at her as having defects. God has created her exactly like He intended and God does not make mistakes. She is already perfect in His eyes and she is perfect in our eyes. If she is born with problems as expected, we will tackle each and every single one of them head on and have faith that God will see all of us through it and give us strength. I know it is going to be hard physically and emotionally on all of us, but I have always been taught that that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and that God will not put anything on us that we cannot handle. I am not trying to sound all religious here, but after going through all of the bumpy parts, it has definitely brought me and Steven closer to God. I firmly believe that without Him I would not be the person that I am today, facing what we are facing.
This pregnancy has also brought me and my family closer together. We are a pretty close family to begin with, but it is different now. I see family completely different than I did before. Macy Jane is the first grandchild and first niece on our side of the family. She is definitely spoiled already, but that is ok. There is nothing wrong with her having lots of things, as long as we teach her to appreciate the things that she is given. Anyway, my parents have opened up their home to me every other week to allow me to stay with them while Steven is at work on his 6 day work stretch. My poor mom and dad ate mexican with me at least twice a week for the past couple of months and never once complained about it. They have always been there for me and I am thankful that they continue to be even if I am an old married woman now. I'm also thankful that they really do love Steve and they all get along really well. That definitely makes life easy.
I know that I will not sleep a wink tonight. As each minute passes I get more excited and kind of sad. I will miss being pregnant. I was one of those that loved every minute of being pregnant and was fascinated by each thump, nudge, kick, and flip. I didn't mind gaining the 25 pounds that I gained because I knew it was making room for MJ and only temporary. Reality is starting to settle in more and more as that final moment comes closer that I am going to be a mom! Someone else is going to be depending on me for love, care, and support.....forever! This morning we were all sitting around talking and someone mentioned that I could feed the baby and Steve could burp and I said to myself, oh yeah you do have to burp babies after they eat. I thought to myself.....ok do I really know what I am doing? No. No I do not, but I have a wonderful mother that I can call 24/7 and plenty of aunts and friends that have been through it many times.
Today, Steven and I woke up and went to church together. We grilled steaks with my family and then everyone came to our house.....and they are all still here playing games, but I decided to sneak away to just have a few minutes to myself. My sister, brother, and sister-in-law came in to town and my Aunt Carolyn is on her way. Steve's mom and husband are driving in from Atlanta in the wee hours of the morning, and my other aunt and grandfather are coming in the morning to meet the rest of the family at the hospital. I appreciate all of them being there for me and Steven and most importantly Macy Jane. Having family around has made the time go by so quickly. Whoever said that pregnancy, especially at the end, just seems to drag by? This pregnancy has gone by so fast, especially the last few weeks. I made the comment to Steve today about that and he said that mine probably went fast because there was only a few days where I did absoultely nothing. Usually I was either working or going shopping and staying active. In a nut shell, I didn't sit on my butt and watch the clock tick.
Well, I need to get back to the family and finish up my laundry. Yes. It is the night before the birth and I am doing laundry. It's helping to pass the time. I have to get up at 0330 so that I can "prep" for the birth. No I do not mean give myself enema's etc. HAHA I mean I want to take a bath and shave my legs one last time and relax a little bit before we head in.
Thanks again to everyone for their love, support, prayers, and gifts throughout this entire pregnancy. I would not have made it through the rough parts if people all over the country had not been praying for us. Please don't stop. Tomorrow is just the beginning and only God knows what the plan is for Macy Jane's little life. I would love to be able to have my friend post on here tomorrow night that Macy Jane was 100% okay, but obviously I just don't know. What I do know is that God is awesome and He is blessing us with our beautiful baby girl and no matter what we will praise Him for allowing us the gift of being parents. I know that His angels will be all around her and He will wrap His loving arms around her, even when me and Steven cannot.
Thanks again to everyone and please remember us in your prayers. My friend is going to login to my myspace tomorrow night and post a bulletin for me updating on how everything is going. Steve has my brother-in-laws laptop so we will be putting pictures of her on there sometime in the next few days, probably NOT tomorrow though. Okay, that 's it. I hope everyone is doing well, and if you think you are feeling crappy.........just think that "hey! Bethany is having her stomach sliced open today......." and that should make your aches and pains go away. HAHA Goodnight!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
It's Wednesday Current mood: content
It's Wednesday......anyone know what that means? What did you say? Doctor's visit? That's right. Going to two docs in one day is getting kind of old, but the bright side is that we only have one more Wednesday to get through and then Little Miss Macy Jane Wiles will be here. YAY!
This morning started out with the "violation" visit as I refer to it. My regular doctor was out this week so I saw a different guy, who was actually very nice.....and had small hands--haha, which is important at this stage in the game. I still haven't dilated any and everything looks good. They did an ultrasound to do a biophysical profile of little one and she scored an 8/8 again! Good girl! She was playing with her feet today and moving all around.
After that visit me and my hubby went to get pedicures. Yes, my husband got a pedicure He actually cares what his feet look like and being a nurse, we are on our feet a lot and need to take good care of them! Anyways, I really really really enjoyed doing that with him. Next week we are going to get manicures, once I am done working. Wearing gloves etc. at work tears my hands up so I might as well wait until I am going to be off to get them done. Which by the way, next Thursday is my last day to work for 3 whole months. YIPPEE!!!!!!
My next doctor's appt was at 3pm with the specialist. Once again, everything looks really good on Macy Jane. She was more cooperative today and we were able to get more profile shots and pics of her ears. It looks like her ears are not in the least bit way low-set. Having low set ears is a common trait of babies with DiGeorge. Even if they were low-set, I wouldn't care........who pays attention to that anyways?! She weighs over 7 pounds now and is projected to be at least 8 pounds. MUCH BETTER than the 9 pounds they originally thought she was going to be.
Her nursery is finally all done! I have put all the pics in a slide show, I just need to add some caption and put them on my page. The only thing missing is my rocking chair, but that should be here in 2 weeks. Steve did a great job of hanging up all of her letters that spell her name and her other wall decorations.....thank you Buddha I promise.....pictures are coming.....soon! I have pics from my baby shower too that I will put up.
I am so excited that my family is coming in to town next weekend!! My sister booked her flight and will be here on Friday night, the 18th and my brother and his wife are coming in on Saturday. My aunts and grandfather are meeting everyone at the hospital on Monday.....still not sure if Steven's mom is going to be able to make it in to town. I hope she can. I can't believe it is sooooo close!
Well, I need to fix some dinner real quick and try to finish the slide shows. Hope everyone is doing well! Keep praying for us we're almost at the finish line!
It's Wednesday Current mood: content
It's Wednesday......anyone know what that means? What did you say? Doctor's visit? That's right. Going to two docs in one day is getting kind of old, but the bright side is that we only have one more Wednesday to get through and then Little Miss Macy Jane Wiles will be here. YAY!
This morning started out with the "violation" visit as I refer to it. My regular doctor was out this week so I saw a different guy, who was actually very nice.....and had small hands--haha, which is important at this stage in the game. I still haven't dilated any and everything looks good. They did an ultrasound to do a biophysical profile of little one and she scored an 8/8 again! Good girl! She was playing with her feet today and moving all around.
After that visit me and my hubby went to get pedicures. Yes, my husband got a pedicure He actually cares what his feet look like and being a nurse, we are on our feet a lot and need to take good care of them! Anyways, I really really really enjoyed doing that with him. Next week we are going to get manicures, once I am done working. Wearing gloves etc. at work tears my hands up so I might as well wait until I am going to be off to get them done. Which by the way, next Thursday is my last day to work for 3 whole months. YIPPEE!!!!!!
My next doctor's appt was at 3pm with the specialist. Once again, everything looks really good on Macy Jane. She was more cooperative today and we were able to get more profile shots and pics of her ears. It looks like her ears are not in the least bit way low-set. Having low set ears is a common trait of babies with DiGeorge. Even if they were low-set, I wouldn't care........who pays attention to that anyways?! She weighs over 7 pounds now and is projected to be at least 8 pounds. MUCH BETTER than the 9 pounds they originally thought she was going to be.
Her nursery is finally all done! I have put all the pics in a slide show, I just need to add some caption and put them on my page. The only thing missing is my rocking chair, but that should be here in 2 weeks. Steve did a great job of hanging up all of her letters that spell her name and her other wall decorations.....thank you Buddha I promise.....pictures are coming.....soon! I have pics from my baby shower too that I will put up.
I am so excited that my family is coming in to town next weekend!! My sister booked her flight and will be here on Friday night, the 18th and my brother and his wife are coming in on Saturday. My aunts and grandfather are meeting everyone at the hospital on Monday.....still not sure if Steven's mom is going to be able to make it in to town. I hope she can. I can't believe it is sooooo close!
Well, I need to fix some dinner real quick and try to finish the slide shows. Hope everyone is doing well! Keep praying for us we're almost at the finish line!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
May 21st Current mood: happy
It is official ~ May 21st at 0730 is my scheduled c-section! Steven & I have to be there at 0530, fun fun, but it isn't like I am going to get any sleep that night anyways.
I went to my regular OB doctor today. Today was the day that starts the oh so fun of being "checked" each time that I go to the doctor. Macy Jane shows NO sign of trying to come early, thank the Lord. I haven't dilated, no thinning, she is still sitting in my lungs and not on my bladder. Her heart was beating nice and strong (and fast) when he dopplered that. The perinatologist hadn't faxed a report of my last ultrasound, so Dr. Wortham decided to do a biophysical profile to make sure for himself of things, and she passed with flying colors. However, I had not eaten anything this morning and MJ was still sleeping when they did the ultrasound. She MUST take after me because she was sooo hard to wake up in there. Usually she is bouncing all over the place. She finally woke up and rolled over from being stomach up to spine up. She is still able to do that because of my extra fluid. Trust me, this child is not lacking for space in there!!! We were able to see her intestines very well because they are full of poop already--haha. I thought that was kind of funny. She doesn't like to show her face or her heart, but she has no problem showing us her intestines. Gee.....thanks kiddo! So far, I have gained 20 pounds. Hopefully, that will come off rather quickly, even though my body shape is going to be forever changed from all of the extra stretching that is happening. Oh-well, that is life! I was talking to Steve this afternoon at lunch (mexican of course!!) and telling him that after I had our second baby and he got snipped () that I would like to get a tummy tuck because I am sure I will need one. Thank God he said that I could. Anyways........
I know I am going to be at Baptist Women's as a patient for at least 3 days, but I respectfully ask this. Monday is going to be a very stressful day for both Steven and I and also for Macy Jane with all of the tests etc. that she will go through and with me being sliced open. I would like for Monday to be a day that me and my family/best friends share together. However, there have been many many people that have told me that they want to come and check on us. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see people, but I ask that you wait until Tuesday to come. By then, hopefully life will be a little more calm and we will have more answers to questions that I am sure people are going to ask when they visit.
I have been staying at my parents house the past 6 days while Steve was working his 6 days on. Me and mom went shopping pretty much every day that I was off of work. We had so much fun together. We bought some adorable baby clothes at the Disney Store that were half off on the "no tax" day last weekend. My mom bought her a bunch of stuff in other places, when it comes to buying stuff for MJ, she just can't say no. I guess that goes with being a proud Nana.
Today though I went on a search (again) for a Glider Rocker. I looked at Babies R Us on Tuesday and the only ones that they had that were cherry colored were ugly and not comfortable. We tried Baby Depot because they advertised one on sale for $200. I sat in it and loved it. We ask the salesperson if they have any in stock or if we can order it and the answer was no to both questions. They stopped taking orders for people in January because people didn't ever pick up their merchandise. Ok.......why advertise something when you aren't even able to buy it? No other Burlington stores in Memphis/Southaven even carry them. I am pretty much over that store now and have no intentions of shopping there very much in the future.
Anyways, I went to other furniture stores today and this one saleslady told us to go to Classic Oak in Cordova because they had a beautiful cherry glider rocker that they just got in. We found it, and it was the most comfortable rocking chair I have ever sat in. However, it was super expensive and way more than me and Steve had budgeted to spend, plus the fabric on it was way too dark. My mom was with me and she sat in it and decided that I had to have that chair "to rock her grandbaby". So, we ordered it and the ottoman in the fabric that I liked. The best part is that mom is going to pay half so that me and Steve won't be going over our budget by very much. Thank God for my mom, she is the best All I can say is that that chair better last us at least ten years!!!
My sister in law sent me this awesome scrapbook type thing that she and my brother put together. Somehow they got all of the photos from my baby shower in March and added caption to them and organized them in a book. It is like looking at a catalog! They sent it off to something called My Publisher. Steve and I both love it. It is by far the most unique and unexpected thing we have received. She also included a cd of pictures that I can hopefully upload on to myspace in a little bit so check my page out later and I might have a new slideshow up.
I think that is all for now. I need to go and get caught up on some things since this is the first time I have been home in almost a week. Hope everyone is doing well.
May 21st Current mood: happy
It is official ~ May 21st at 0730 is my scheduled c-section! Steven & I have to be there at 0530, fun fun, but it isn't like I am going to get any sleep that night anyways.
I went to my regular OB doctor today. Today was the day that starts the oh so fun of being "checked" each time that I go to the doctor. Macy Jane shows NO sign of trying to come early, thank the Lord. I haven't dilated, no thinning, she is still sitting in my lungs and not on my bladder. Her heart was beating nice and strong (and fast) when he dopplered that. The perinatologist hadn't faxed a report of my last ultrasound, so Dr. Wortham decided to do a biophysical profile to make sure for himself of things, and she passed with flying colors. However, I had not eaten anything this morning and MJ was still sleeping when they did the ultrasound. She MUST take after me because she was sooo hard to wake up in there. Usually she is bouncing all over the place. She finally woke up and rolled over from being stomach up to spine up. She is still able to do that because of my extra fluid. Trust me, this child is not lacking for space in there!!! We were able to see her intestines very well because they are full of poop already--haha. I thought that was kind of funny. She doesn't like to show her face or her heart, but she has no problem showing us her intestines. Gee.....thanks kiddo! So far, I have gained 20 pounds. Hopefully, that will come off rather quickly, even though my body shape is going to be forever changed from all of the extra stretching that is happening. Oh-well, that is life! I was talking to Steve this afternoon at lunch (mexican of course!!) and telling him that after I had our second baby and he got snipped () that I would like to get a tummy tuck because I am sure I will need one. Thank God he said that I could. Anyways........
I know I am going to be at Baptist Women's as a patient for at least 3 days, but I respectfully ask this. Monday is going to be a very stressful day for both Steven and I and also for Macy Jane with all of the tests etc. that she will go through and with me being sliced open. I would like for Monday to be a day that me and my family/best friends share together. However, there have been many many people that have told me that they want to come and check on us. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see people, but I ask that you wait until Tuesday to come. By then, hopefully life will be a little more calm and we will have more answers to questions that I am sure people are going to ask when they visit.
I have been staying at my parents house the past 6 days while Steve was working his 6 days on. Me and mom went shopping pretty much every day that I was off of work. We had so much fun together. We bought some adorable baby clothes at the Disney Store that were half off on the "no tax" day last weekend. My mom bought her a bunch of stuff in other places, when it comes to buying stuff for MJ, she just can't say no. I guess that goes with being a proud Nana.
Today though I went on a search (again) for a Glider Rocker. I looked at Babies R Us on Tuesday and the only ones that they had that were cherry colored were ugly and not comfortable. We tried Baby Depot because they advertised one on sale for $200. I sat in it and loved it. We ask the salesperson if they have any in stock or if we can order it and the answer was no to both questions. They stopped taking orders for people in January because people didn't ever pick up their merchandise. Ok.......why advertise something when you aren't even able to buy it? No other Burlington stores in Memphis/Southaven even carry them. I am pretty much over that store now and have no intentions of shopping there very much in the future.
Anyways, I went to other furniture stores today and this one saleslady told us to go to Classic Oak in Cordova because they had a beautiful cherry glider rocker that they just got in. We found it, and it was the most comfortable rocking chair I have ever sat in. However, it was super expensive and way more than me and Steve had budgeted to spend, plus the fabric on it was way too dark. My mom was with me and she sat in it and decided that I had to have that chair "to rock her grandbaby". So, we ordered it and the ottoman in the fabric that I liked. The best part is that mom is going to pay half so that me and Steve won't be going over our budget by very much. Thank God for my mom, she is the best All I can say is that that chair better last us at least ten years!!!
My sister in law sent me this awesome scrapbook type thing that she and my brother put together. Somehow they got all of the photos from my baby shower in March and added caption to them and organized them in a book. It is like looking at a catalog! They sent it off to something called My Publisher. Steve and I both love it. It is by far the most unique and unexpected thing we have received. She also included a cd of pictures that I can hopefully upload on to myspace in a little bit so check my page out later and I might have a new slideshow up.
I think that is all for now. I need to go and get caught up on some things since this is the first time I have been home in almost a week. Hope everyone is doing well.
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